Chronically A Dreamer

"I think it's important to have closure in any relationship that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase." 
-Jennifer Aniston

Gullible. That's the feeling I choose to leave this one with and not continue to carry the frustration with my own naivety on my shoulders anymore.

So what if you never get that clarity? It just fades away confusingly, as swiftly as the whole thing began. 

Charming words falling off his lips thicker and sweeter than any syrup I've ever tasted. A false sense of security being offered at an arm's reach, then yanked back before it could truly be obtained. It felt like a game. 

I was warned by many that he was dangerous for me. A rebound would be at best what my role would be and that it was all just sounding too good to be true. I chose to be stubborn and fight for what I thought to be true, pretending it would all begin to fall into place and that maybe, just maybe... I was about to get a modern-day prince.

Only... I'm not fit for a modern-day prince. I'm not that girl. I don't care if my shoes get muddy because they didn't cost two hundred dollars. I don't need to travel, go to nice restaurants or have a designer's name on my apparel. I just didn't fit into his world.

As it began to fade, I tried to hold on to the last threads of possibility. He said he would be busy. It will surely pick back up eventually. He needs time to sort his emotions. I will be his friend and support him as he goes through each stage. 

Unfortunately, he didn't need me to wait. He didn't need my friendship or support either it seems. In this particular case it appears the warnings from friends were ones I should have taken seriously because I'm able to look back at it now and see that I was indeed a rebound. Just a small meaningless pawn in a game that had to be played for him to get where he needed to be. Do I wish him the best and hope he does well? Yes, most definitely. I don't even necessarily think that he set out to hurt me or intentionally cause me pain. I do not think he had the clarity in his own head or heart to either love me or to hurt me at the time.

No comments:

Post a Comment